can you lose your sex-drive at 20?
Okay-I'll be 21 in three days.Been married for almost two years and have two kids.My son is a year and a half and my daughter is 4months.My husband and I have been fighting over this because he thinks I don't wan to engage in that with him.Is there anything I can do?? I'm talking about I don't want to have any sex what so ever.I'm so young and I feel like I am 68.
answer: You're probably tired from caring for two very young children, and loss of libido is NOT unusual. Understand first and foremost that you're normal and this is not unusual and that theres nothing wrong with you, to help take that stress adn worry away.
Hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and after giving birth can create a loss of sexual interest, as can body image changes and the role change from being 'the hot wife' to being 'mommy'. The two things can definately go together, but for some people it does take some work.
Another HUGE factor is hormonal birth control. You don't say if you're on it, but Depo-provera is a notorious libido killer, and the Pill can have the same effect on some women.
It may be hard, but try to schedule some time for yourself as sexy hot babe and not as mommy. Take a hot shower, have a spa day, get a new haircut, buy a new outfit. Most of all, get some rest and designate the chores to your husband. Focus on being a sexual being, but take the focus of the sex if you really don't feel up to it. Do romantic things with your husband - have him give you a sexy massage or have a bubble bath together, without the focus being on the outcome. If you like lingere, get yourself a sexy outfit - you don't have to wear it for your husband, maybe wear it for you under your regular "mommy garb" so you start to feel sexy again. Every woman is different, and there's really no right answer on how to get your female mojo back. Try some things that you think will work. Remember that SO much of sex is in the mind, so by thinking about it and making an effort, it will help you feel like it again. When you just don't feel like it.. your body responds in kind.
Sometimes the best thing to do when you're not up to it, is to just give into it. It sounds so awful, I know, but when you've got a man who's out to please you - close your eyes and let him do the work. You may be surprised that you DO feel like it in the end, but the idea of it at the start seems like so much work!
I know its hard, but life and marriage are full of these ebbs and flows of sexuality. Sometimes it does take a little effort and work to prime ourselves, especially as women!
Good luck.
Hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and after giving birth can create a loss of sexual interest, as can body image changes and the role change from being 'the hot wife' to being 'mommy'. The two things can definately go together, but for some people it does take some work.
Another HUGE factor is hormonal birth control. You don't say if you're on it, but Depo-provera is a notorious libido killer, and the Pill can have the same effect on some women.
It may be hard, but try to schedule some time for yourself as sexy hot babe and not as mommy. Take a hot shower, have a spa day, get a new haircut, buy a new outfit. Most of all, get some rest and designate the chores to your husband. Focus on being a sexual being, but take the focus of the sex if you really don't feel up to it. Do romantic things with your husband - have him give you a sexy massage or have a bubble bath together, without the focus being on the outcome. If you like lingere, get yourself a sexy outfit - you don't have to wear it for your husband, maybe wear it for you under your regular "mommy garb" so you start to feel sexy again. Every woman is different, and there's really no right answer on how to get your female mojo back. Try some things that you think will work. Remember that SO much of sex is in the mind, so by thinking about it and making an effort, it will help you feel like it again. When you just don't feel like it.. your body responds in kind.
Sometimes the best thing to do when you're not up to it, is to just give into it. It sounds so awful, I know, but when you've got a man who's out to please you - close your eyes and let him do the work. You may be surprised that you DO feel like it in the end, but the idea of it at the start seems like so much work!
I know its hard, but life and marriage are full of these ebbs and flows of sexuality. Sometimes it does take a little effort and work to prime ourselves, especially as women!
Good luck.
You can't lose your sex-drive yet because women reach their sexual peak in their mid thirties. And men when their about 16. So its not that your not interested, its just your husband is too eager, so it makes you feel like the bad guy.(having kids doesn't make it easy either) Be patient though, I guarantee you wont lose your sex drive until your 68.
It could just be that you're stressed and tired from having two young kids. Try getting a babysitter and making some time for yourselves maybe go away somewhere and have him romance you all over again :)
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