I have a masturbation addiction, help?

I do it everyday. At the park, at work, at home, at the pool, at the gym, at the grocery store, at the bank, at meetings, on vacation, at parties, I can't stop. Anything turns me on, a speck of dust turns me on. Christmas ham turns me on. I just have to wip it out and start pumping it, even in front of people. I make a mess of it and no one likes it. I do it until my "thing" starts to dry out and chafes, then my *** starts to turn red. Then my dick gets infected and the scabs on it are black and smell like cheese. I need help!

Man oh man...I've laughed so hard I'm crying...

If this is a honest question or dilemma, I'm truly surprised you haven't been picked up by the cops by now.

Who knows? Maybe it'll get infected and fall off.

Another 2 points. Is 2010 the Year of the Idiot?

"Whipping it out," to use the parlance of our times, in front of people is definitely a crime. Not just any crime, but a sex crime (the kind that lands you on your state's sex offender registry). I suspect this is either a joke or you are exaggerating, but if I am wrong and you have been masturbating in such public places, you need to seek the help of a mental healthcare professional because you are fortunate that you haven't been caught yet and you need to get help before somebody calls the cops and you are arrested.

Watch your grandparents have sex, nothing will turn you on and you wont be able to get an erection for at least two weeks. If that doesn't help just wear a chastity belt.

Past experiences

omg! hahahahahahahahahahahaha this made me laugh so much I had tears in my eyes. I can't even read it out loud without laughing

you have a serious problem, seek psychiactric help

eww that gross, im so sorry i dont mean to be rude :(